Eros, Storge, Mania.What is your love style? Ever notice people love differently? Sometimes we ourselves go through different incarnations of how we show our love in what John Lee defined as "love colors" or theories in 1973 , later redefined by Clyde and Susan Hendrick as "love styles" in the mid eighties. John Lee described these six love models as the basics that people use in their interpersonal love relations with others.
~Eros~The passionate, physical ,and emotional love also known
as romantic love.
~Ludus~ Conquest love.The love that is played as a sport. Those
that display this kind of love are sometimes more interested in quantity than quality.
~ Storge~ A slow grown love that develops from friendship first.
~Pragma~The practical love that is fueled by the mind, not the heart.
~Mania~ The obsessive love. Possessive and jealous lovers
display high emotions with this style.
~Agape~ Spiritual, selfless love.
The Hendricks found that men tend to be more Ludus and women were more Storge and Pragma in their love relations. Teenagers tend to demonstrate the Mania side of love, the affair entwined in obsession and jealousy. I certainly can remember the elements of my first love wrapped in emotion and need as I'm sure most of us do.
It was also found that relations with similar love styles seemed to last longer and people tend to search for those who have similar love styles as themselves in relationships.
Eros, or the "erotic love", is built on chemistry and is highly
passionate and sensual, almost a fantasy type romance, the typical dream.The attraction that ties the lovers together tends to have a shorter lifespan than other styles due to inevitability of decay of attraction over the years.
The Ludus players are conquest lovers and game players. This type of relationship is also short lived due to the player becoming bored once the conquest is over. People displaying this type of love style tend to have more than one partner and get over relationships quicker.
Storge love is based on respect and understanding, the key quotient to a healthy friendship. Storge lovers view their partner as their best friend. This style of love has a higher probability of lacking passion, its only disadvantage.
The Pragma lover wants to find value and use in their partner. The love is seen through the eyes of realism. The disadvantage is the lack of heartfelt emotion. Arranged marriages are based on this pragmatic type of love.
Mania,the most interesting style of love in my opinion, one that generates a lot of buzz on many occasion, is built off lovers with low self esteem. Lovers are often found randomly or from bazaar situations and love is seen as a rescue or safe haven from their highly emotionally unsafe or tormented worlds. Those displaying this type of love are often very jealous and view sex as reassurance of love.
Lastly, but not least, is Agape love. Spiritual love. Those that possess this style view their lover as a blessing. With this comes the need or desire to take care of their spouse as a mother does with a child. This is the selfless love. These lovers usually remain very faithful and view marriage and children as sacred. Lovers often wait for their partner after a relationship is long dissolved. The disadvantage is the lack of attention one puts towards themselves when displaying this type of love.
Whether you are one, six, or none,have fun deciding the love color you bring forth in your relations. Remember those relationships with partners of similar color or "style" remain the longest. Hopefully with this enlightenment on the knowledge of love theories we can all maintain ageless relationships.
By Jennifer H. McGee
